april conspiracy: first.decent.meal.

25.4.08

first.decent.meal.

my favorite part of the day? my first decent meal.

a decent meal being: a couple of viands and at least a cup of rice. or anything that is approximately of equal nutrient and carbo content and anything that comes with them. which usually includes dust and some dishwasher detergent that clung on my plates. like memories.

a decent meal being: when i have nothing else on my mind but to satisfy my growling stomach. and ease it from the handful of carbondioxide i took in the whole day. that wanders for quite sometime, then quits. as gas. like tourists.

a decent meal being: having that dinner just a couple of hours before i hit the sack. cnn is optional. i am already getting tired of clinton, obama, iraq and food crisis. like jay leno.

a decent meal being: chewing my food while looking out of the window. or staring blankly at the kitchen if i happen to sit on that side of the table where my back is beside the (that) window. nice view. like the walls.

a decent meal being: dining out.

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.160-char.story.

@ when the wind stops to blow, the snow goes slow-mo, freezing the apparition of faces from the tram windows...

@ everything's eventual… eventually

@ i fear. i fear the thought of losing. losing something dear to me. losing something that i have come to love. losing the grasp on my dreams. losing the bridges that i have built. losing the simplicity in me. losing the sense of appreciation of something so little and simple. i fear becoming. i fear the means.

@ can't we just keep things simple? things get complicated by the day. what a sad predicament to dwell on. how i wish i can be just the simple rural writer. how i wish i don't have to earn a living. how i wish things were all romantic. how i wish i was just simple.

@ at the end of the day… you have nothing but yourself... and your dreams. and the prospect of tomorrow when your dreams become your realities.

@ things have become so unstable. so unstable that i have to walk on a tight rope.

@ then feeling trancends proximity and longing. and being. until you're just an arm away. almost touching. seering. but fades. and the feeling begins again.

@ "i like DEAD END signs... i think they're kind. they at least have the decency to let you know you're going nowhere…" -- bugs bunny

@ …nang dahil minsan tayo'y di nagbigay ng buo. o sumubok magbigay ng sobra. o naging masaya o natuto sa bawat sandali.

@ patience favors the prepared mind.

@ i can never be a hero. like them rizals and bonifacios of then and now. it takes a lot of courage…which i don't have, unfortunately…to BE them.

@ and i lost the sides of her circle when she said goodbye.

@ when you know something's missing, sometimes it feels like a mailbox that never sends a reply. if it ever does, it will give you an out-of-office reply.

@ and he stopped wanting… denying beauty. refusing love. giving his cold shoulders to reality.

@ minsan, ang tagal ng isang araw, parang ang paggawa ng underpass sa may 6750. habang lalo mo inaabangang matapos, lalong tumatagal.

@ it takes a lot of courage to accept and to pursue, what you should and what you want, respectively.

@ her audacity is all-encompassing. her life says it all. her audacity to love. whose only witnesses were the next 525,600 minutes. mimi marquez. the dancer at the catscratch club.

@ saturday, bakit ako?

@ little dipper north of nowhere, outside my room, inside my mind. i held you in my hands, but you're forever out of reach.

@ i've always been amazed by the merry-go-round then. but as i grow up, and thought to have learned more, i've come to despise it. it has become so un-interesting. it depicted life, a life that can be so...merry-go-round…however you try to make another out of it. an apparition of faces and places. but they were all the same. they only change in phase. and when you step down, you'll feel ill. wishing you'll stay to be a child. oblivious of everthing. of life. of a merry-go-round.

@ it has all been the same. the same darkness in the room. the same lullabye of the whirring fan. the same unholy silence. the same sound of buses threading along EDSA. the same reconstruction and reliving of memories. the only difference is the new day dawning.

@ how much time is worth waiting?

@ let the world reaffirm your acts. not the world as we know it now. but the world as we know it then. and you'll never be mistaken. no more wrong turns. nor regrets. but still learning. and not hurting. never be crying. again. ever.

@ ang ingay ng kapitbahay. parang nang-iinis. inaangkin ang gabi. ninanakaw ang tugtog sa aking isip. nilalambing si sarah mclacllan, hinihele si angela boffil at nilalasing si jim brickman. nag-iimagine na malamig. kahit pinagpapawisan.

@ 'to being an US- for once- instead of a THEM.' - mark

@ '…and i see the stars they shine so bright. and i know that one of them is my friend, waiting, praying, and hoping that i'll be around… the road back home is shorter than you know.' - homecoming (or something like it.) by moonpools and caterpillars.

@ then, i just ran out of space. the world was too much for me. it was too big. so ironic. now all i do is watch it turn and let things be. this is the real traffic jam. all things moving so slow. lethargic in my eyes. yet no one's hurrying. only me. my eyes.

@ headline tonight are flowers. they wilt under the moon with a half-baked smile.

@ the view's so much different from here. from up here. come, let's glide, let's fly.

@ she bellows endearment, yet whispers ire. her smiles were dark, yet smirks like a child. she comes, yet left so hastily…so fast like erik mana's hands.

@ or is it all about security? or having to be like nobody was(?!?). sooner or later everything has to end, and when that time comes, i (hope,i) won't be there.

@ time pushes everyone on their backs. and when that moment comes, you are, most of the time, given only two choices. it's either or. it's either life or the absence of it. not death. that would be fallacious if i say so. like the last days of may, maybe. just maybe.

@ it gnaws. me, you, animate or not. eventually speeding up the process, making everything no more. after that, it lingers…and continues to count.

@ "don't tell anybody about anything, if you do, you'll start missing everybody." -h.c.

@ what is crueler? to let the wounds of the heart fester? or to simply cut it out?

@ there's an experience worse than blindness - it's the certainty that your vision is perfect and the horror that there's no world around you to see.

@ love is like a rhino, short-sighted and hasty, if it does not find a way it will make a way.

@ love is like a crash of rhinos, if it does not find a way, it will make a way.

@ go away, will there be another but bittersweet goodbyes?

april conspiracy

25.4.08

first.decent.meal.

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